It had come to me in a flash. I wanted a typewriter. Yes, it was true, I didn't truly consider how irritating or time consuming it was to use one but who cared? It was kinda retro and most of the best writers of old had used one. It would be something I could save up for, do odd jobs for and then exploit the riches for years to come from the glorious machine.

Of course, i'm one of these sort of people who get a very whacky idea into their head, go about trying to convince people it is a good idea and then suddenly realize how whacky it was in the first place. Consquently these things are usually abandoned but not this one... oh, not this one...

So I found one I liked. The picture looked pretty. It had a cream box, it was an old fashion underwood (brick shaped) typewriter. Wasn't exactly what I expected but it had quirks... not to mention it was in a sky blue colour. It was an underwood from the 70s, the sort of period I like; Monty Python, bowler hats, space hoppers, Beatles... what not to like? Not to mention it came with a cleaning kit, 50 sheets of free typewriting paper and a spiffy manual! Hooray.

Took days to convince my mother to buy it for me. See, the postage and packaging was so expensive... so terribly expensive. Almost £19! I was desperate though, and apparently it would be safer, so we sent a cheque away and waited...

Nearly a month.

Obviously it would take a while for the cheque to clear but I waited patiently for 3 weeks. I was ill with glandular fever and tonsilitis, so every morning I would get up and check for the mail. Nothing. I waited and waited and then on Friday we get an email saying "ooh i'm just about to send it to you."

So today was the 'lucky' day. Return home to find our package was next door. When I saw the package I wasn't sure it was even mine. See, someone had decided to shove it in a tv stand box, twice its size, then sellotape it like crazy. Remember how much I paid for postage AND packaging. When it was finally opened up, whoever packed it decided to leave a bit of foam stuff at the bottom. Truly 'helpful'.

Still, I was excited! At last!!!

So I take the huge cream box out. It isn't clean, infact, it is disgustingly NOT clean. I take the bent key and I open up the box. There inside the horrors await.

Yeah, well, the typewriter was there. Nothing else was. I had paid for 50 pieces of typewriting paper. Instead, I get 2 pieces of crumpled and stained paper. I paid for a cleaning kit. I get what looks like two random, unmatching paintbrushes, covered in dust. The box smells like something died in it and the typewriter in covered in gunk. It has never been cleaned, it is grotesque.

My revenge is either going to be wrecking her feedback and keeping the typewriter or making her pay for postage and packaging for me to send it back to her... and i'll just buy another. > NOT AMUSED. Be warned. Just because someone has good feedback on ebay doesn't mean it is necessairly... well, good. I wasted around £60. NOT PLEASED. Still, seems more likely i'm going to have to keep the typewriter... and give it a good clean.

I'd give her nasty name but there is no point. Not pleased >:/ i'll wreck her feedback.

So please- a warning to all... be careful. Ebay can be VERY misleading. VERY. VERY VERY VERY. Ask the person as many questions as possible and record them. Take screenies if must be, just... be careful. I've certainly learnt my lesson. So please, I can not stress this enough... learn from my stupidity and do yourself a favour... >:/ be careful. USE PROTECTION.

Bwaahaha... that wasn't funny... oh...

*continues to watch Stephen Fry fall off a boat*